The FSN North boys and Ted Davis apparently get pretty bored of calling the Bucks players by their real names and use a plethora of nicknames for each of the players on the team. The invertible internet audience has their own nicknames for the boys as well. I think it is time that we settle once and for all and focus our collective fan analysis into a concrete and defined set of nicknames.
A few rules:
1. The A-Rod Rule- Ever since Alex Rodriguez acquired this nickname it has become the laziest in all of sports. 'Letter-dot-first syllable of last name' is so played out if it were a cassette tape it would be warped. If it were a pair of Jordan IV's it would have a giant hole on the sole. Therefore I declare all variations of this ineligible.
2. Hype Rule- Allen Iverson lived up to his nickname (The Answer), Mark Sanchez has not (Sanchize). If a player has an undeserved nickname then it is henceforth declared irrelevant. If you happened to be the best player on your team and earn a nickname like Mr. Clutch, but spend your time riding the pine in the next level than a new nickname is at hand. Rookies will be allowed a probationary period to keep their college nicknames in which time it will be determined legit or not.
3.Copycat Rule- Dwight stole superman from Shaq. There are other examples. This shan't be tolerated.
Here are my thoughts. Please include your own below.
Andrew Bogut- Aussie Eraser (alternate: Andrew Broke-it)
Both nicknames suit him, but in opposite fashions. It is in my humble opinion that when healthy he
adhere the name of the Aussie Eraser. ...So obviously we won't be calling him that for 8 to 12 weeks.
Brandon Jennings- Young Buck (disqualified:
BJ3 (Copycat Rule))
BJ3 is blatant rip off of a better point guard and Young Buck evokes more of the Oak Hill image that
Brandon projects. From compton to WIScompton baby!
Steven Jackson- Jackson 5 (alternate: Captain Jack) (disqualified:
I know that the majority opinion is with Captain Jack, but J-5 cannot get out of my mind. It can be representative of his multiple personalities on the court or the fact that in his tenure with 7 different teams Milwaukee is the first time he has spurned 1 in favor of a different jersey number. Either way I'm more than happy to invoke the A-Rod rule here on S-Jax.
Drew Gooden- The Big Drizzle (hilarious alternate from the past: Recede Wallace)
I don't really get 'drizzle', but I'm going to assume it is because he makes it rain poorly and/or because he has a problem with his prostate. Back before Drew used to shave his head he had a pretty severe case of MPB levying his teammates into giving him this awesomely cruel nickname. Lets start a campaign for Drew to grow his hair out so he sport a sick horseshoe a la Jeff Van Gundy.
Ersan Ilyasova- Turkish Delight (alternate: Ilya-sorta)
Turkish Delight comes to us from the wonderful boys at BrewHoop and is quite effective. It is a definite go to nickname for Ersan. However, if someone was to ask you a few questions about Mr. Delight you will be surprised to see what your answer would be.
Person A: Hey I've heard about this Ilyasova guy on the Bucks. Is he a good scorer?
You: well, yeah sorta
Person A: Is he a good defender?
You: Yes, well sort of
Person A: Hmm...you aren't helping me here. Can you at least tell me if he's good enough to be a starter in the NBA?
You: well....kind of...sort of
Person A: dammit
Carlos Delfino- Del-Phenom (Alternate: Cabezon) (Alternate 2: Delfino Square)
Del-phenom was gifted to him at his stay in Detroit and Cabezon has been with him since Argentina, but I personally have a mental block with Carlos because of the N64 game Diddy Kong racing. In the game there is a level called Delfino Square and it was pretty hard and it always bugged me. Kind of like Carlos. He gets so many steals (power boosts, speed boosts etc) but commits so many turnovers (falling off of cliff, getting hit with a banana, etc).
John Brockman- Brockness Monster (Alternate: JonBoy)
So Brockness Monster is easily the best thing about John Brockman. Its too bad his name doesn't rhyme with the phrase "Hands of Stone".
Jon Leuer- disqualified:
J-Leu (A-Rod Rule)
Mr. Consistent would be a good one. At the moment he is without a nickname to my knowledge and he has most definitely deserved one in the first third of his rookie campaign.
Shaun Livingston- S Dot
This is his only nickname and (Steven A. voice) quite frankly (end scene) I'm okay with just calling him Shaun. I also accept him as an exception to the A Rod rule because it is more of a Jay-Z reference ( S Dot Carter) than it is an A-Rod reference. Hmmm...but it could also be a copycat situation then. Either way I'm just going with Shaun until a better name comes up.
Beno Udrih- Muy Bueno Beno (Alternate: Tasmanian Slovenian)
I'm not thrilled with either of these, but I'll take them. I understand the allusion to the Tasmanian Devil, but shouldn't it logically be the Slovenian Devil? Tasmanian Slovenian mostly implies some form of Equatorial neutrality.
Larry Sanders- Picasso (Very close to having the Hype Rule applied)
Larry Sanders is an exceptionally gifted visual artist. You can check out his stuff through his Twitter handle. Bucksketball put up this drawing that he did on their website. Unfortunately, Sanders is proving to be anything, but artistic on the basketball court. He will certainly be getting his minutes in the next 2 and a half months thanks to Andrew Broke-it (see! isn't this fun?) , but it may be his last chance to live up to his first round hype.
Mike Dunleavy- The Natural (hilarious past nickname: Chicken Man) (alternate hilarious proposal: El Pollo Loco)
Yeah, whatever, the Natural is fine. He has a Redford-esque mystique to him and basketball genes in his family, but I am more concerned with Chicken Man because WHAT?! Apparently when he was with the Rockets they had a promo that if the team scored 135 points or more the fans would win free chicken (no other details found). This happened 5 times in a 3 year period and all 5 times Dunleavy scored the 135th point. Awesome. Anyways, I like taking this one step further and going with El Pollo Loco because Dunleavy is so active on offense that it occasionally looks like he is a chicken with his head chopped off
Luc Ricard Mbah a Moute-The Prince (alternate: any of his awesome anagrams)
The Prince works wonderfully, but isn't "Labia Mud Charm Toucher" or "I'm A Dumb Urethral Coach" more fun? Yes, but I think my head would explode if Telly Hughes or Jon Mcglocklin said this on air. In conclusion, Touch! Bum diarrheal cam.
Tobias Harris- All-Business (alternate proposal: Funke)
All-Business is still in the probationary stage, but in honor of the return of Arrested Development I will be referring to my favorite analrapist (analyst/therapist) from the entertainment world.
Darington Hobson- Butter (alternate proposal: Butler)
Butter is also in the probationary period until he has proven himself. However has anyone had a name more reminiscent of a stuffy British butler in the history of names? Hobson! Fetch me my musket! Darington! Bring around the rolls! Chop chop! I don't know if this is just me, but I like butler.
There we go. Those are my thoughts. We all probably yell different 4 letter nicknames at them while watching the games, but these are some good ones to think on. If you have other suggestions please let me know!
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