Warning: If you are in your late 20's or early 30's and happen to live in Milwaukee, do not stray away from this article. This is an urgent message from the news desk to help spread awareness of an unfolding epidemic. The story is continuously updating, but early reports are coming in about a mysterious cloud-like matter looming around the downtown Milwaukee area, specifically near the BMO Harris Bradley Center.
The matter, which many believe arrived with the temperature drop, has already been likened the Angel of Death from biblical times, except that this seems to enjoy the theater of nagging pain rather than the quick strike of death. Based on the details of the victims thus far, the matter seems to be targeting the lower half of the body. Reasons as to why are unclear at the moment. Here are the names of the victims and what has been done to them:
Zaza Pachulia, male, 29 : Fractured right foot (out minimum of four weeks)
Gary Neal, male, 29 : Plantar fasciitis (day-to-day)
Caron Butler, male, 33: Sprained knee (out at least another week)
A report has come in recently and tell us that a small group of bystanders witnessed this attack and attempted to help. They were able to get the victims out before anything was too serious, but they too suffered injuries (unrelated to the monster). Larry Sanders (male, 25) hurt his thumb, while Luke Ridnour (male, 32), Ersan Ilyasova (male, 26), and Ekpe Udoh (male, 25) all left with minor injuries.
A friend of the victims and prior victim to last year's attack in Houston, Carlos Delfino (male, 31) told us that he had warned the players of such an incident, but that his cries fell on deaf ears. Now Delfino has more company than he expected.
The matter, who we are now learning goes by the moniker of ''Basketball Gods," may not be done. So, if you are a late 20-to-early-30 year old male, we urge you to stay inside, lock your doors, and keep clear of any windows or openings to your home.
UPDATE: We have an update from someone close to this group of victims, who go by "Bucks."
The Basketball Gods have spoken. Bucks must listen.— Steven von Horn (@StevevonHorn) December 9, 2013
Wow. Stay safe and we will update you with any further developments.