Stars Hollow in Milwaukee: If the Bucks were in ‘Gilmore Girls’

Just like any other red-blooded American man, Adam and I are huge fans of ‘Gilmore Girls’. Deep down, you know you are too. Whether it’s the small-town charm, the pop culture references, the tumultuous romance storylines, or the fully-saturated words-per-minute of the show’s dialogue, the show has something for everybody.

Well, almost everybody. There’s far too little basketball involved when it comes to the Gilmores, except for maybe the notoriously-tall Dean (but he’s seriously the worst so screw that guy). But we’re still in Thanksgiving Freaksgiving mode, and I know that me and Adam are thankful for the GG reboot.

So while you’re all still coming out of your food comas, here’s a Milwaukee Bucks/’Gilmore Girls’ mashup that nobody asked for!

Giannis Antetokounmpo as Rory Gilmore

This is easy. Precocious, gifted, loves smoothies, and adorably naive about the world until learning some things the hard way, these two are a match like coffee and coffee.

Khris Middleton as Lorelei Gilmore

One has been hampered by a torn hamstring, while the other is hampered by a chronic refusal to commit to anything always. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE HEALTHY HAPPY?!

Jabari Parker as Logan Huntzberger

Comes from a good family, gets a ton of flak (even though he’s lowkey not that bad of a guy), and probably the best (only?) dunker on the show.

Jason Kidd as Emily Gilmore

Regularly-scheduled disapproving looks? Check. Infamous for playing mind-games and being stubborn? Also check. Knows the entire history of the Daughters of the American Revolution? Check, check, check.

John Hammond as Richard Gilmore

First of all, RIP Edward Hermann. :( Secondly, this pairing fits because they’re the ones officially in charge of making the decisions...but many speculate whether or not the decisions were even theirs to make. Also, John Hammond is well-known for reading the paper during dinner.

Steve Novak as Miss Patty LaCosta

Steve Novak has gotten around in the league. Miss Patty could (and would) make the same claim.

Miles Plumlee as Christopher Hayden

Ugh why are you HERE what do you even DO why do you constantly have to mess with Rory’s HEAD just get OUT OF HERE CHRISTOPHER (also gets up in the pick & roll)

John Henson as Dean Foreseter

Is tall and ought to be way better at basketball then they actually are.

Michael Beasley as Kirk Gleason

Had jobs at every establishment across the town. Secretly super out just for dolla bills. Naked night terrors (seems likely enough...)

Malcolm Brogdon as Maury Dell

Maury doesn’t get nearly enough credit for being so freaking cool all the time, just like Brogdon doesn’t get enough credit for being so steady (and also plays that sweet sweet jazz).

Thon Maker as The Town Troubador

We saw him once really early on, never saw him again, and have no idea what he’ll be the next time he shows up.

Jason Terry as Luke Daines

Crotchety, comes through when you need him, and absolutely, positively, under NO circumstances, are cell phones in the diner locker room.

Matthew Dellavedova as Jess Mariano

Everybody kind of hates Jess, but if he’s on your team you kind of HAVE to pull for him. Plus, he makes Rory better and infuriates everybody else that just DOESN’T UNDERSTAAAAAAND.

Rashad Vaughn as TJ (Luke’s Brother in Law)

TJ only shows up every now and then, but he’s a rapscallion who’s good for some genuine laughs from time to time. Fetishizes tights and other assorted oddities too much. Prone to fall out of the show’s rotation too often.

Greg Monroe as Jason Styles

Digger was a sterling blast of bombast, boy did he look suave when he first showed up on screen. Eventually he even wormed his way into Lorelai’s heart, endearing himself with a cologne overload, suit-wearing bravado missing from all her previous flings. Shoved out of the show unceremoniously to make room for a better long-term fit.

That’s all from us, but PLEASE be sure to leave your favorite Gilmore reference in the comments. Extra points for mentioning 80’s hair metal bands, Hello Kitty, and coffee. Always coffee.