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2016 NBA Draft - Presenting Brew Hoop's full first-round mock draft for you to make fun of

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The Brew Hoop staff called on every ounce of their NBA Draft acumen to put together this first-round mock draft for y'all to pick apart.

Mary Langenfeld-USA TODAY Sports

WE'RE GETTING IN ON THIS GAME.

Draft time is that wonderful time when all of us at Brew Hoop expand our horizons beyond southeast Wisconsin and cast our vast expertise to the wind, watch it tumble around violently, and see where it sticks on the page. Drawing on our combined 349 years (give or take) of NBA scouting experience, we've put together a mock draft for the first round complete with pick-by-pick analysis. Regrettably, trades were not allowed, or rest assured there would have been madness.

Curious how the writers here assess this year's draft class and the teams that will be selecting them? Read on for a window into our minds. We are all experts who know everything and you can thank us when the draft unfolds exactly as we've laid it out below.

1. 76ers - Ben Simmons
Ben Simmons has been the consensus first overall pick since he left high school. He's too unique of a talent to pass up and if that means sending away Nerlens Noel or Jahlil Okafor, so be it.  - Aron Yohannes

2. Lakers - Brandon Ingram
I prefer Simmons, but Ingram is a fantastic consolation prize. Ingram can fill it up and seems to be all limbs, which is quite encouraging for his prospects of becoming a great NBA player. - Eric Nehm

3. Celtics - Marquese Chriss
Chriss isn’t my third-favorite prospect, but he is an immense physical talent who showed the makings of a burgeoning perimeter game as a freshman at Washington. Whether that translates into stardom at the NBA level is an open question, but given the Celtics need for stars he seems worth the gamble. - Frank Madden

4. Suns - Dragan Bender
To use a  favorite term from our friend in Racine, there is some scuttlebutt that Bender is dropping here.  IGNORE SUCH FARCE.  Bender fits perfectly with what Phoenix is trying to do with a young, fast, dynamic roster.  Plus, PHX needs another big guy for Brandon Knight to ignore. - Corey Gloor

5. Timberwolves - Jaylen Brown
Minnesota has been bad for a LONG time, and have tasked Tom Thibodeau with rebuilding the franchise. Brown is a smart, high-character wing who can fill a number of roles and give max effort on defense...something I bet is important to Thibs. - Mitchell Maurer

6. Pelicans - Jamal Murray
I’m taking Murray here because he’s the best player available and he would give the Pels a reboot at a position that would otherwise be manned by Eric Gordon or Tyreke Evans. Having to use those two guys less is a long-term win for this franchise, and Murray might really benefit from the space that Anthony Davis creates. - Eric Buenning

7. Nuggets - Skal Labissiere
A big upside pick for a team that’s in full-blown talent acquisition mode, Skal could be a long-term fixture in Denver’s frontcourt, spacing the floor for Emmanuel Mudiay & Co. while playing solid defense. I don’t expect Kenneth Faried to be around much longer, so now’s the time to start developing a replacement. - Dan Sinclair

8. Kings - Buddy Hield
Buddy is fun. Sacramento is not fun. Buddy in Sacramento is … we’ll see? - JJ Bersch

9. Raptors - Kris Dunn
His age makes this pick a little less exciting, but regardless he was too good a value to pass up at this position. Also, yes -- my BPA Shock Collar is currently functionable, and I don’t feel a thing. - Brett Abramczyk

10. Bucks - Deyonta Davis
This pick came down to Davis or Marquette's Henry Ellenson. Ultimately, Davis' potential to be a rim-protector, athleticism and ability to defend pick-and-rolls edged out Ellenson, who has a ways to go before becoming an average defender in the NBA. If trades were allowed in this mock, I would've moved down a few slots. - Aron Yohannes

11. Magic - Henry Ellenson
I mentioned it during a recent Brew Hoop podcast, but I am an Ellenson fan. I think he could eventually become a stretch five with an ability to finish at the rim and do some playmaking out of the pick and pop. His defense is an obvious concern, but his offensive skill set seems like an awful lot of fun from a seven footer. - Eric Nehm

12. Jazz - Wade Baldwin
I think Poeltl and Sabonis are likely to be better pros, but I have to admit that the ridiculous log jam of young big man talent in Utah scared me off of going with my BPA gut. Instead, Baldwin’s physical tools and shooting promise could make him a long-term fixture in Utah, where he can play with, behind or maybe even start ahead of Dante Exum. - Frank Madden

13. Suns - Dejounte Murray
Another quick, potentially dynamic weapon that can slide into the Suns’ backcourt and provide some punch off the bench. - Corey Gloor

14. Bulls - Jakob Pöltl
Our draft might be the only one in which Poeltl isn’t gone in the top 10, but I work with that I’m given.  Bulls will need size down low with their frontcourt on the way out in the near future. Poeltl is a baby-Pau Gasol, so he could slide right into whatever the hell Chicago is trying to do now. - Corey Gloor

15. Nuggets - Furkan Korkmaz
An excellent shooter and one of the draft’s youngest players to boot, Korkmaz gives Denver more depth on the wings and another scoring threat. This is another upside pick that potentially makes Danilo Gallinari available for trade as the Nuggets shift their contention timetable back a few years. - Dan Sinclair

16. Celtics - Domantas Sabonis
Prior to his two-year stint at Gonzaga, Sabonis played in the second-best league in the world (Spanish ACB) and his dad Arvydas is one of the most skilled big men of all time. So it’s no surprise that he’s a savvy, tough, and skilled combo big who nicely complements the flash and upside of #3 pick Marquese Chriss. - Frank Madden

17. Grizzlies - Thon Maker
I hate Thon Maker’s game. Let’s get that out of the way; I don’t see him being any better than Andrea Bargnani. That said, I am often wrong about basketball things, and Maker could be a HUGE steal this late, a la Giannis Antetokounmpo. Memphis needs a lottery ticket, no matter the odds, and nobody’s upside is higher. - Mitchell Maurer

18. Pistons - Cheick Diallo
Detroit made no secret of their affection for Draymond Green last summer, and though Diallo isn’t anywhere near that production (especially on offense), the high motor and effort all over the court probably reminds the Pistons of Green. I think Diallo’s too hard to pass up here. - Eric Buenning

19. Nuggets - Demetrius Jackson
After taking upside prospects with their first two picks, the Nuggets play it safer here and grab an experienced guy to play behind Mudiay. He can also work as a spot-up shooter and serve as a secondary ball handler in double-PG lineups, giving Denver more flexibility and size in the backcourt. - Dan Sinclair

20. Pacers - Denzel Valentine
I think Denzel Valentine is the player teams are going to regret passing on this draft. His athleticism leaves a bit to be desired, but he can pass, shoot, rebound, and stretch his arms real long. He’d be a great fit next to Paul George. - JJ Bersch

21. Hawks - Timothe Luwawu
Luwawu is another great pick given the spot I got him in. He might be one of the more intriguing prospects to me in this draft, and I’m hoping the culture and coaching staff of the Atlanta franchise I’m sending him to can clean up his focus and consistency a bit. - Brett Abramczyk

22. Hornets - Taurean Prince
Prince gives the Hornets insurance on the wing in case Nicolas Batum or Marvin Williams depart this summer. - Aron Yohannes

23. Celtics - Ante Zizic
At the age of 19, Zizic was a highly productive big man playing major minutes in the Adriatic League. Besides, we all know the Celtics can never get enough talented big white dudes, right? - Frank Madden

24. 76ers - Malik Beasley
I went big for the Sixers with the No. 1 overall pick, so now it's time to address the backcourt. Beasley gives them a scoring option. - Aron Yohannes

25. Clippers - DeAndre Bembry
I like the DeAndre the Clippers already have, so why not double down on DeAndres? - JJ Bersch

26. 76ers - Tyler Ulis
Ish Smith was a solid pick-up for Philly last season, but he's a free agent this summer and probably wants to cash in. Ulis could fill Smith's void and 26 is a pretty good spot for him in this draft. - Aron Yohannes

27. Raptors - Zhou Qi
This could turn out real ugly. At the same time, it’s the tail end of a mock draft, so I wanted to take a flier. And if it does turn out ugly, I can take credit for sabotaging the Trashtors. - Brett Abramczyk

28. Suns - Guerschon Yabusele
Full disclosure… no idea who this is.  Phoenix has three number one picks, they don’t need all three tomorrow. Stash guy here, and I picked a name I saw show up in two separate mock drafts here.  Here’s French!  He looks big! Phoenix will love him! - Corey Gloor

29. Spurs - Patrick McCaw
I mean, a video called "Every Patrick McCaw Strip and Score" exists on YouTube. That should tell you all you need to know about what McCaw’s potential as a defender. I also tend to think he could hit some threes and stumble into becoming the next great 3-and-D guy that makes a bunch of money when someone thinks he can be just as good away from San Antonio. - Eric Nehm

30. Warriors - Ivica Zubac
You would think that the Warriors don’t need a C, but with Andrew Bogut’s health uncertain and the futures of both Festus Ezeli and Anderson Varejao unknown, there’s no downside to taking a flier on a skilled international big with a lot of versatility. Frankly, I’m surprised Zubac is here this late in the draft, so I’m scooping him up and seeing what happens. - Mitchell Maurer