Yeah, no. Who am I kidding? Halloween made the rankings of my "Stupid US Holidays" List. Using advanced analytics, I've devised a fool-proof and top-secret metric for determining these rankings. Feel free to comment below about how correct I am versus how amazing I am.
1. Groundhog Day. Really? A rodent and the random cloud cover of a specific time of a specific day is going to predict six weeks in a row of weather patterns? Stupid Holiday Score: 100.
2. St. Patrick's Day. (And I'm part-Irish.) It's an excuse to have a parade about a saint who had a beef with snakes. And drink. A lot. (I don't drink, so there may be some bias here....) Stupid Holiday Score: 94.
3. Daylight Savings Time. Technically, not a holiday. But it's two days that unnecessarily ruins sleep patterns, and forces me to reset my coffee pot timer. Stupid Holiday Score: 91.
4. New Year's Day. Literally a second earlier, we just celebrated the exact same concept of ushering in a new year. Why are we investing another 24 hours to this? Stupid Holiday Score: 90.
5. Arbor Day. We have enough trees in this country. In fact, I'm looking at my lawn right now, covered in leaves. I want to chop a few down right now. Stupid Holiday Score: 86.
6. Labor Day. We're taking a day off of work to celebrate our wonderful work ethic. Does anyone else see the irony? Stupid Holiday Score: 85.9.
7. Halloween. It's an excuse for hyper, ungrateful adolescents to freeload off others and dress up like freaks while terrifying the neighborhood's peace. Now that I think of it, isn't every day a form of Halloween? Stupid Holiday Score: 83.
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